Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Wait...Did these Seats Get Smaller???

Okay guys...Sorry about the last pity party post. I have never, in my life, been so excited to start my period. God played an interesting game when he made me because he didnt give me horrible period cramps or back aches or bloating or acne or any of those other symptoms most women complain about when they are PMSing...But MAN, he gave me tears. Ive actually cried over a Pizza King commercial when I was 2 days pre=period before. Usually when I get over emotional I know its coming but the birthday vacay threw my dates off so I thought my Mike pity party was real. And it WAS, I do miss him so much and deal with a lot of hurt and confusion daily, but that sadness was EPIC. Im back to normal now.

On with life...So, I went to Vegas for my birthday. Actually, flew into Phoenix so we could take the sweet drive up the Red Rock mountains through Sedona and Flagstaff on to Vegas. Im an avid traveler and have always fit in a plane seat just fine. Yes, I have to unravel my belt the whole way, and the sides are tight, but not too bad. Well the FIRST thing I noticed about this flight is the sides PINCHED me! I almost didnt fit! Also, as I started to buckle the belt and was praying I didnt need an extender, it took an act of God to get the thing buckled. THAT was embarrassing. Now, only to myself, because I didnt end up needing assisitance, but man...that was the OPPOSITE of a NSV.

Pushing 230 I am at the highest weight of my life. I have never been "skinny" and havent been under 200 in years but something about that extra 20 pounds on a girl 5'1 makes SUCH a difference.

Before the vacation I made a quick trip to Michigan to a baby shower. Despite all the wieght I thought I managed to get it together and look decent at least. Not good, but at least not like a slob. My Michigan friends are so pretty and perfect and from the mold I wish I never had to leave. In fact, I blame a lot of my wieght gain on the major depression I went through when my dad moved a happy well-adjusted girl to another state at the prime of her life.

Has anyone else noticed a MAJOR difference between standing up and sitting down??? Here is me at the shower from the front view.
Not TOO super bad though...Kinda makes you think...Oh, who is that chubby chick? She looks okay if she would lose some weight, but not too bad.

Well, then I stumbled on THIS picture. Granted, it was a picture of the entire room and I just happened to see myself in the pic and crop myself out. But when I did, I actually cried.
Here we go.
And that would
Ugh. Yes. Sitting down I litterally look like a beached whale.

So, has anyone else been to the point where they got TWO good reality checks in one week, but STILL didnt do anything about their weight? I ead everyone else's blogs and they are doing SO good and they have all these little tips and tricks. Now, granted, most everyone I read already HAS the band, but with the band being a tool, not a magic wand, Im scared if I cant lose weight withOUT the am I going to lose weight WITH it??? Im not doing anything good for myself right now and I dont know why. I cry about my weight yet its the ONE thing I can control and I DONT. Why not??????

Did anyone else continue to comfort themselves with food, no exercise, and Diet Coke galore all while crying about their weight??? Lol.

Food and Sleep are comfort for the pain...Exercise makes me wanna die. However, there are dozens of remedies for these excuses. I just need to be strong and push through. Where does this strength come from? Does it just COME one day???

Oh well, we'll see what happens. Thanks for listening to me bitch.
Lauren Ashli


  1. i have blocked all my tagged photos on facebook for this very reason :( it's hard to be confronted with reality checks such as these, but at the same time, very necessary. otherwise, we would be content to stick with the status quo.

    i'm still pre-band, and i too worry about not being able to lose weight since i'm incapable of doing it now. you're so not alone!

    hang in there. i don't know you, but you come across and strong and confident. i feel that there are much better days ahead!

  2. I understand where you are coming from, but you have GOT to stop the negative thinking. That is going to get you nowhere and calling yourself names isn't helping you get in the right mind frame for surgery.

  3. Also, you can't lose weight without the band because you don't have the tool. I couldn't lose weight without it either. I've lost 50 lbs since December when I got the band. Don't give up. The band will do nothing but help you.