Friday, January 7, 2011

Beginning Stats

Today is January 7th. I weigh 230 and have a BMI of 43.5. I dont exercise at all. My most activity is watching reality TV. I run around a lot birthin babies when work is busy but Im not sure that counts as "exercise". Im still pretty depressed over my breakup with Mike even though it was almost 4 months ago. However, I know I did the right thing taking myself out of a wrong situation. That doesnt mean I automatically quit loving him or the pain goes away. Im trying to live with the pain as much as possible and usually resort to sleeping 80 percent of the day to deal with the emptiness the break up has left me with. I hate myself for having such a low threshhold for heart break when I have such a high threshhold for other types of situational stress. I eat any potato I can get my hands on and am a fast-food addict. I drink diet Pepsi every day and not too much water. Im currently obsessed with watching House. I work as much as possible right now to pay for my surgery although I wish I could work less, travel more.

That being said, this is the 1st day I am not going to let my weight define me as a person. But either way, I figure I should start this process out with a few "Before" shots, embarassing as they may be.

This is Holly and I at Alandra's Christmas Program. Face is pretty cute. Its hard for me to find full body pics as I usually focus on that pretty face ;)

This is about the most uncomfortable I have been in ages. I am with my girl Sherri for her birthday and barley having any fun cause Im so obsessed with how "fat" I look.

And here is the pic that made me decide surgery is a must. The girls at work think I judge myself more harsh than other people do, but how I look in this picture is not the way I want to represent myself to the world.

That being said I suppose I should come up with some goals. I hate goals because I just feel like an asshole when I dont accomplish them. But with Lap Band being such a labor intensive tool I need to get in gear.

Goal 1) Drink 100 oz of water a day.

Goal 2) Protien and Veggies have to come first. I need to cut WAY back on the carbs and sugar

Goal 3) Bye Bye my beloved fast food/eating out :(

Goal 4)Find a way to fit exercise in

Goal 5)Work as much as possible to pay off this surgery by your 29th birthday

Goal 6)Keep trying to get over Mike. It feels weak to admit I still love him, but its something I struggle with daily. I havent made any contat with him so Im doing better than a lot of girls do in break ups, but I still miss him every day. The hope is when I love me more, I will begin to love him less. I guess.

Goal 7) Try to date. After losing 30 pounds. I know I said I wont let my weight control my life anymore and I want to start dating ASAP because Im BORED for one and I think it would help me get over Mike for two. However, Im just so uncomfortable with my body right now. I start to feel better about myself even around 200 pounds.

So thats it for now. I know I cant change all these behaviors in a day as I have done them for 28 years. In fact, as I type right now I have two baked poataoes in the microwave.

Feel free to leave comments or hit me up on Facebook where there are tons more pics.
Lauren Ashli

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