What's the Point of Sparklies and Hooker Boots if They're Covered up in Fat???

So last night was my birthday. Okay...It wasnt my birthday. Yet. it was my mini celebration. I celebrate my birthday numerous times through out the two weeks surrounding my birthday and yesterday was the 1st of many.

I was super excited for a night out on the town and decided it was going to be sparkle night and I had this year and next year to still be a sparkle princess before turning 30 and officially being too old for that kind of behavior and hanging up the tiara.

1st order of business? Cinnomon Dolche Latte. Fully Loaded.

Because it was my birthday, I didnt even get the "skinny" version. And let me tell you. That drink is like heaven on earth. OMG. I wish I had the 500 calories a day and $5 a day to spend on it!

Second order of business was the sparkly pedicure. Even Barbi doesnt have cuter toesies. This picture doesnt really do it justice, but you may get the point.

And after buying the obligatory sparkly eyeshadow I threw on my gorgeous sparkly dress and transformed into the birthday princess I am. Oh...I was in such a good mood.

If only we had not broke out the camera.
I dont know what it is. I dont know why I am the oposite of most people. Most people DONT think they look good. Most people look in the mirror and DONT like what they see. I actually DO like what I see. Maybe I need 3-D mirrors. Because its only when I see PICTURES that I get SO depressed because I see what I ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE and HATE it.

Why do they even MAKE pretty sparkly dresses in 2x? Sorry for the pity party. Im just so frustrated. Sometimes I feel like I feel so hard and I just get NO where. But in all honesty I dont try THAT hard. I do try hard. But I dont try as hard as I could. It just feels like I try super hard because I am thinking about it every second of the day. but in reality, I am making more mistakes and excuses than I am making efforts. I am missing more meals than I am eating healhty meals. Id rather NOT eat than eat healthy. Id rather skip a meal than exercise. Still, its so discouraging to get so dressed up for the night and feel so good and then find out you look like THIS

And the full length version with the boots I was loving so much

Im bigger than my friend who is 6 months pregnant!!!
I know, this blog sounds like a big pity party. And I really AM sick of living my life as one big pity party. But, really, how does one be fat AND happy? Im reading a REALLY good blog of a girl who accomplished it and she is such an ispiration. She is too too cute! I wish I could be like her. And I am sometimes...I have accomplished quite a bit for a fat chick. I own my own home, drive a nice car, have a good carreer as a nurse, Im well traveled, Im super independant, and I can do anything I put my mind to (minus lose weight, apperently). I just get in these moods sometimes where i think being fat means...why even do anything?

Okay, Im babbling now. I guess in addition to all the birthday parties Im having this week you are all invited to my pity party!!! Hahahaha!!! OK! IM SNAPPING OUT OF IT NOW! I have a baby shower to go to and babies to deliver tonight. Being fat doesnt keep me from being a good friend and being there for my former roommate as she celebrates her impending new daughter and then I have patients to keep safe as they bring their new babies into the world!!!